Scared again
by lanatic
Summary: Bella is a Spartan woman, scared of a boy she doesn't know; but he wants to know her. ExB Dark themes; mention of rape. For the "In the dark" contest.


**"In The Dark" Contest**

**Pen Name: Lanatic**

**Title: Scared Again**

**Summary: Dark themes: hints of rape. Bella is a Spartan woman, scared of a boy she doesn't know; but he wants to know her. ExB**

**Word Count: HERE**

**Sparta is so fucking awesome. No jokes i did my final piece of coursework on spartan women. They were fucking AWESOME. Some things are a bit odd but i'll explain at the bottom anything kind of topical. Also feel free to comment or PM me to ask what something means.**

It started when I was seven. My father was away, at war. The house was empty except for the slavegirls and my mother. Mother was a good spartan woman; really scary. She told me to play with the other little girls. She tied my long brown hair up in a really pretty plait as I went off into the world to meet new friends. I met some friends that were girls. A dark haired girl who's hair refused to plait - we all laughed at her because her hair stuck out in tufts. It was sweet and she made fun of us back - she was really clever. We ran and played in the streets, annoying the soldiers and the boys who lived in the schoolbuildings. They got sent there when they were seven - I heard it was if they were naughty. But mother only said that to scare me. She said, "if your naughty I'll make you go live with the boys in the school!" and I was so scared of her anyway that I was always good.

Alice dared me to go into the fields where the boys did their exercises. They ran really fast and picked up big stones. They really smelt after a day in the sun.

So, me and my friends were playing, and my friend Alice threw a stone at a boy. It hit him right on the head and he looked straight at us. I was so scared! He was big and scary and his hair was the same colour as daddys copper shield. His eyes were all dark and I couldn't tell what colour they were in the bright light. But he looked angry.

"He's prettyyyyy!" Alice giggled, really happy that she'd got me in trouble. Because he thought I threw the stone. I wanted to say 'it was Alice, the one with bad hair!' but my mouth wasn't working and I was scared and stuck.

And he started storming towards me. I think the sun went in and I started shivering. His strides were long and powerful and he was looming over me - casting a shadow, and I shivered again because he was like a storm all on his own. His glistening skin...

"Did you throw that stone, little girl?" He asked me, his eyebrows making one long eyebrow and I almost laughed.

But I couldn't, I was too scared.

I looked at the ground. Where do I look? I tried to say something but I couldn't because the sky was gray and dark and I think the world ended and I was so scared and where was Alice?

"She did it! She did it!"

There was Alice.

The boy reached his hand out to me and picked me up. I kicked my legs and screamed because my voice found me and I think I prayed to atleast fifty different gods praying that he wouldn't kill me. I love my daddy. I didn't want to die! I tried to shout 'I'm only seven!' but he twirled me around and I couldn't see straight, just the gray. Then he put me on the floor and stormed off, his glistening skin and his sweaty smell gone.

The sun came out again I think and I looked away from the pretty-scary boy and ran off home, leaving mean Alice with bad hair behind.

When I was ten I started school. It was really scary, everyone was really good at dancing and singing and running and I wasn't. I got home the first day and told Mum that she was mean because all the other girls knew how to dance and I didn't, and it was all her fault. I stormed to my room and stared out of my window. It looked out over the whole estate and the dark grass was shiny as the sun set. It reminded me of that pretty-scary boy I met so long ago. He was really mean and I still didn't like him. Sometimes I saw him and I just walked the other way because he was still really scary.

I was watching when I saw something creaping in the grass. At first I thought it was an animal, but then I realised it was someone. I wondered if it was one of the boys. Sometimes they creeped up here in the night to steal food, Alice said they never got enough because the school people wanted them to get good at sneaking about. I thought it was stupid. There was always food missing from the house when the school was open and in the night. The stupid boys thought they were soldiers already and it was really annoying because they weren't!

I was so annoyed I stormed out of my house and into the grass where I could see it rustling. I was going to sneak up on him and scare him to death. And then I would laugh at him because he was a rubbish soldier and so would the rest of Sparta and he'd get a flogging. I almost giggled out loud but it would give the game away.

He stood up in the grass just then and I was so scared.

It was the boy. The pretty-scary boy. I stepped towards him in the grass and he stepped forward too. He quickly put his hands over my mouth, his eyes hard and wild and I knew he was really hungry. He snarled and kicked my feet from under me, pushing me to the ground, he crouched over me holding my mouth.

I was too young to die. I was scared again and that time from when I was little came back to me.

"Don't say a word! I'm so hungry, I could die. Just don't say a word or I'll come back _and kill you while you sleep_, ok?" His eyes were desperate and scary and so dark, and his body was taught like a bowstring and very muscly, almost as muscly as dad. But he could have only been a few years older than me and oh gods, please don't let him kill me! I nodded dumbly and let him off, he was taller and scarier as he stood up.

I shakily got to my feet. And then I did something really stupid. I think that maybe he will creep up on me while I'm asleep after that.

I kicked him right between the legs.

I don't know why boys get so much pain when girls do that but I'd seen someone do it before and the boy fell over and cried.

A Spartan boy crying, it was great. Me and Alice giggled so hard.

I think he might be crying too, and I was kind of scared that I'd killed him or something because I think his face was going blue... But I realised I didn't really care that much so I stuck my tongue out at him and ran away back to my house. I pulled open the door and the pulled it back too. I sprinted along the corridor to my room and pulled my door open and closed it too. I was scared. What if he came and got me? Oh my god he's gunna kill me in my sleep.

I was too scared to sleep that night.

The next night I didnt sleep for long... And it kept on like that until I was too exhausted on my feet to even do the exercises and training that school kept making me do. I almost fell asleep in one lesson, but Alice quickly made me wake up because the teacher would probably kill me.

When I was fifteen, I came of age. I started my monthly bleeding and my mother took me to the temple. I prayed to Juno. I didn't like it, it was painful sometimes and kept me still for most of the week. Mother told me I was now ready to marry, but here in Sparta it was illegal until I reached eighteen. That year the army returned, mother had been so lonely while dad was away. She'd left offerings at the temples to keep him safe. And a it had been nearly eight years since I last saw him. He was different, he had a scar and his neck that he didn't have before. He told me the story; he was very heroic and I was happy that the gods had been smiling down upon him. It was strange, consoling the image of my father as a comparatively young man, to this haggard war veteran that he was now; I'm sure it was the same for him because I bet he didn't remember me very well. There was a big feast that night and a dedication to the gods. The whole city was invited and I just knew I was going to meet the scary pretty-boy. I felt it in my bones and my heart and I was scared, again.

The revelry had moved on while I stayed and sat on the temple steps, staring at the sacrifice, the animals skin draped over the bones. I was not merry. I was too scared to move on to the party because he would be there. He walked my nightmares and I knew, just knew that he would be the one to end my life.

The night wore on and I heard the celebrations' noisy drinking, singing and general happiness. I was so scared. It was almost like I could feel him coming. The tension in my bones was killing me. My heart was beating so hard I thought it would break free from my chest, and my eyes were fixed on the corpse sitting in front of me. It was so stupid to be alone out here. But I knew I had to be. I just knew there was someone coming and that I needed to be here for it.

The footsteps came closer. I heard them, my senses seeming to sharped because of the fear. I was so scared, oh gods. What was happening.

The footsteps stopped, right behind me. The tension in my bones feeling as if they would shatter them, my heart reaching fever pitch, beating from my chest in frenzied beats, my eyes staring forwards. _Don't look behind you, don't look behind you, don't look behind you!_

The strange, pretty-scary boy, bent down towards me. His sweet breath washing across my skin and oh god, I was so scared. My skin tingled and it became bumpy and cold. I stared straight ahead, my eyes wide and not daring to blink.

"You _are _scared." He said. I nodded, gulping. I dont think I barely moved. He kept on breathing against my neck and the breeze scared me because it was constant. I'd never had anything constant with this boy and, god, I was scared.

"I scare you. I should." Then he was gone.

I ran back towards the revelry. My heart was beating to the sound of my sandals slapping against the cobbles. My breathing was coming in short gasps and I didn't know what was wrong with me, it was a mixture of excitement and fear and - his breath on my neck, so sweet and warm, and his voice, velvet soft, caressing my skin.

I ran straight home, from the sounds of the happy party goers, into the dark countryside, along the dusty road and straight into my bed. The night was a dark inky black and the only light was beckoning from my window. Why was I so scared? He'd whispered six words into my ear and... How did I know all these things? My breathing settled into an easy rhythm as my body reached an easy pace. I could run twice as far and not want for breath. I thanked the hard training regime my body was put through daily.

On my eighteenth birthday I realised that I would be married soon. The man would have to ask for fathers permission first, but what if father didn't tell me? I was scared because I'd have to have such intimate contact with a man I've probably never talked to. If I was out after dark, I tried to stick to busy places, but the way home was dark and lonely and always empty. I knew this would be where he'd come for me.

I'd been to the baths that night and was walking in the darkness, glowing after such a lovely warm bathe. I was jogging, my wet hair swinging from left to right as my sandals kicked dust up my legs. It wasn't a special night. It was cool and dark but it was a normal autumn night. I was staring at the full moon, and shivered. Bad things happen on the full moon.

"Isabella," A cool velvet voice whispered by my ear. My body reacted the same way it had three years ago. My heart sped up, and my skin prickled.

Was I to be married to him? Oh gods.

"Come speak with me." He stole my hand and a tingle ploughed through my body, my thoughts empty as he tugged me along. He sat me down on the ground and crossed my legs, pulling my cloak around me tightly, snuggling into the wool. The trees surrounded us in all sides and we were in a small clearing. He'd lit a fire as I did this and I nodded at him appreciatively.

I looked at him properly for the first time in ten years.

His eyes were green, thats what I saw first. They glittered with the firelight, lightening and darkening and they were beautiful. His hair was still the bronze colour of the fine bronze weapory I'd seen paraded by many army officials in my time.

"I wish to marry you Isabella." He stated. All he'd ever said were statements, never questions. He knew my name though, maybe he had looked for me. I felt a little sick, but maybe better because this beautiful specimen wanted to marry me. But was his soul as beautiful as his face? It was hard to imagine anything that could be as beautiful as his sculpted face, his hard, strong jaw. I didn't believe he was a very nice person. I looked at him, and held my hand up, saying as if to stop as I retched. I quickly stood up, running away from the little clearing and threw up into a bush.

I sobbed as the vomit came from my mouth. I wiped my hand against my mouth, secretly wishing for the pretty-scary boy to come and hold my hair, but not daring to ask him, it was a character sign that he didn't come and do it himself, I thought.

I didn't want to marry him. Oh gods, did I have to marry anyone? Could I not be a single woman for my entire life? I was content with this existence.

I retched again, but nothing came out. I felt as if my belly could hold itself in so I walked back towards the firelight. He was staring into the flames as if they had the answer to his questions.

"Your humours must have been out of balance." I nodded at him, I'd deduced as much. Maybe he couldn't see the idea that I found being anywhere near him so intimidating my stomach emptied itself.

"You do not talk much, do you?" He asked as I seated myself as far from him was polite.

"No, I do not." He was staring intently at me, his brows furrowed, digesting the information.

"I can speak for the both of us, then." I just nodded, staring into the fire. "Isabella, I spoke to your father. He has agreed. I would have... taken you tonight, but something stopped me. Isabella, you are a virgin I can tell. I didn't want to steal this away from you in such a way as is customary, I can tell that you are a shy person." And in that moment I saw into his soul.

There was something haunted about him, dark and scared. He was a lost boy.

"What happened to you?" I whispered, looking into his eyes. They searched mine like I was a rope to hold onto, to bring him home.

"What?" His tone was sharp. I flinched. "Nothing happened to me? Why would you think that? Isabella, you do not know me, do not presume."

Tears of shame pricked my eyes, and I stood up. I took a quick glance into his eyes. The vulnerability was gone, replaced with a stone facade that was wrong on him. I ran away from that clearing, running back to the house, locking my door and pulling the shutters to.

The next day, I was returning from the baths, again. I was alone, and I knew he would come and speak to me.

A hand closed over my mouth and I resigned myself to the pretty-scary boy. I still didn't know his name - I didn't want to know his name.

"Isabella." He whispered in my ear. He took my wrist, pulling me towards the trees again. He had relit the same fire from the night before, I recognised the dark trees.

He sat down across from me, hands pulling in his hair.

"Isabella, do you know what happens in the Agoge?" I shook my head. I didn't know.

"I started school there when I was so young. Those boys were all I knew, all the friendship I'd ever known. You know that I was assigned an older boy to tutor us through... things? Yes?" I nodded, holding my breath. His breath hitched and he let out a small sob. He couldn't tell me this. I knew what... some boys wanted, from other men.

I stood up, and walked towards him. I didn't know what I was doing. What was I doing?

His tortured eyes looked towards me, his tears rushing down his face in a steady stream, his choked sobbing. I didn't want to say anything to him that would upset him, and I didn't know if what I was doing was right or proper or if I could even do it. His cries slowed down, his gasped breathing coming in longer, more steady streams. I kneeled down in front of him, I spread my hand over his heart, "You never told me your name." I stared into his eyes, scared of the pain they showed.

"Edward," He breathed, his breath hitching.

"Edward." I repeated. He was so close, and the sweet smell of his sweat and the sweet smell of him made me close my eyes, and breath deeply. With my other hand, I reached up and brushed the tears away from his eyes, which had deep dark circles underneath. His hand reached up and took mine in his large, calloused hand. I could feel the deep cuts from years of weapons training.

"My name is Bella." My eyes flickered to his plump lips. I took a deep breath, and looked into his eyes, moving closer to his, begging him to stop me, to tell me that he couldn't do it.

His eyes were resolute as his head moved towards mine. The kiss was clumsy, our teeth knocking together, our teeth biting and our tongues slipping together. His hand pulled me closer to him, so I was kneeling in his lap, my hand tugging at his hair. He gently moaned into my mouth.

Edward leaned backwards, pulling me with him, so we were lying on the grass, my body molding into his as mouths feverishly slipped against eachother. It was hard to know where my body ended and his started, the moment was so perfect. I knew his truths were forgotten and my fears dissipated as I felt myself pushed into the ground when he rolled over me. His mouth left mine, and I whimpered at the loss of contact; I needed his mouth on mine or I thought the world might end.

"Bella, your father said I could... That I could have your hand, is that alright with you?" I smiled, sure, like I sometimes was about things. "Can I... Can I lye with you?" I bit my lip and nodded, too scared to speak. "I've never... With a woman..." He mumbled as his hands returned to my face, his kiss returned with more passion than before, and I was suddenly apprehensive. My hands fumbled with his cloak, untying the knot, pulling it over his head, darkening the ground with the pooled fabric. His hand was doing the same to mine. It fell away and we looked into each others eyes, his lids were hooded and his lips were swollen. He gently sat me up, pulling my dress up from the hem, his hands brushing along every inch of my skin that he could. As soon as it was off of me, I automatically reached to cover up my body, but he took my hands, and laid them at his side as he appraised my body. I held my breath and closed my eyes, scared that he would hate what he saw, I braced myself for rejection.

His hand ghosted over my breast, before leaving my body.

"You are so beautiful, Bella." I shivered as he said my name. I opened my eyes and stared at his perfect face. He was staring back, his hand reached to pull his tunic off, and as I saw his body, I gasped.

He was even more stunning than I could ever have imagined. His stomach muscles were chiselled, hard as marble. His skin was tanned all over, and the only thing that marred his beauty was the bruises covering his hips. I dared not let my eyes wonder too low, scared that I would see… him.

He reached forward to me, his hand bringing his mouth to mine, and I reached my hand back to pull him down on top of me. He was so warm and hard, and male that it was impossible not to feel completely turned on. I groaned as his hand reached between us to touch my breast, pressing it gently, twisting. He reached down further and I whimpered, scared that he would be disgusted by how wet I was. But, he hummed in satisfaction as he touched the slick skin, whereas I groaned as his warm fingers played with parts of my body that had never been touched before.

His kisses moved down to my neck and I gasped at the new sensations created as he ran his teeth along the sensitive skin there.

"Are you ready?" He asked, as his hand moved to position himself at my entrance, I could feel him, warm and close. I groaned out a yes.

I could feel him pushing in gently, and I cried out in pain. Something broke inside of me and I cried out, clawing at his back.

"Bella? Bella?" He asked, frantically, pulling out. A tear leaked out of my eye.

"No, no. It's nothing. Carry on, carry on." I ground out. The pain seemed to dissipate as he stared into my eyes. He brushed my face with his hands, brushing away the tears and kissing my eyelids. He entered me once again, although it was still slightly uncomfortable, the pleasure was overwhelming. I arched my back towards him, as he pushed into me again. I didn't really know how this worked, but I knew that… gods, that felt amazing. He pushed further in, and I pulled his head down to mine as his hips started to move. We were trading air as the sweat started to bead down the side of my face, our sweaty bodies slipping together, our heavy breathing and muttered words filling the night, along with the crackling of the fire. The darkness was inky black as we reached our climax; I felt it coming a mile off, it rushed from the tip of my body to the top of my head, my muscles clenching violently. He came with me, too. We lay there, wrapped in each other until the sky started to lighten.

"Bella… I must… shave your head now. I'm so sorry, your hair is so beautiful." He ran a hand through the tangled tresses, whilst I nodded as he produced a razor, marking me as his own as he pulled it across my scalp, occasionally biting the flesh. He gathered a lock of my hair, and passed me a male tunic to wear, until we could live together. We parted with a kiss, and I returned home, a married woman.

As soon as I stepped in the door, mother rushed towards me, tears leaking from her eyes and a big proud look on her face as she took in my lack of hair and the tunic I was wearing. It smelt like Edward…

She asked me some questions, and we talked for a little. As soon as Edward was free of living in the Agoge, we were free to live together, presumably in his families home. I smiled at my mother, walking to bed, feeling like a marked woman. There was something ominous about our relationship.

For the next ten years, Edward and I lived happily together, we unravelled the demons of his past, I bore his children. Our only son was away living in the Agoge,


End file.
